splitmemory | can you keep a secret

Oh, had he really gotten under Malleus' skin that much? Lilia could be really careless, never tending to think of other's feelings when he acted. Was that what this was? Had he been focusing on his own feelings over Malleus', then?

It's hard not to smile at the incredulous question. It doesn't need an answer, yet he still gives one: "But of course. You'd stolen something of mine, refused to give it back. What else was I supposed to do? A crime against another deserves a consequence, no matter what the standing of those who commit the crime may be."

As if that justified his actions in any way. Stupid little fairy, didn't know what Malleus really needed in the moment... and enjoyed teasing him far too much. His smile still falls, his expression becomes more serious, no matter how slight.

Lilia's thumb trails down Malleus' jaw from his ear, falling down away from his face.

"Must you go?" The soft question is followed easily by an added apology: "I'm sorry, Malleus. I shouldn't have teased you so thoroughly. Will you forgive me?" The apology is finally given. Only to him, only ever to him. Malleus was the only one who deserves his regret in any way, the only one who deserved that softer look in his eyes.

No, Malleus, you won't be let go until you either accept the apology or get back at him in some way.

"I know! You can bite me in return, to make up for it!" Lilia laughs, pushing his own shirt sleeve up and holding his arm up.

Stolen? Hardly! He'd been trying to look out for Lilia's health, and had... probably intended to give it back. Probably. It's not as though Malleus was just being difficult for the sake of it; he would never dream of such a thing. No little tantrums from him; he is no longer a child!

But the sudden shift in Lilia's expression makes him pause, and brings him back to the present. And then the softness of his voice, the genuine reluctance to let Malleus leave, makes his chest ache. No, he will never, ever leave Lilia alone, just as he wishes to not be left alone by Lilia. But this... this is different. This is something shameful that Malleus really must get in order, unless. Unless Lilia has completely forgotten about it?

It seems, perhaps, that he has. Then maybe if Lilia were to just agree to sit elsewhere, Malleus could pretend he is not in a state of duress, and stay. He opens his mouth to suggest as much, and the abruptly closes it again at Lilia's solution.

"...Excuse me?" Malleus is, of course, quite capable of biting. His teeth rival Lilia's own, but he hasn't bitten anyone in ages. "I do not want to bite you."

Malleus sounds truly baffled as to how that would solve any of the problems he's currently facing.

Okay, but holding something out of reach of your retainer is essentially stealing from him, especially when he's so much smaller, unable to reach up as high as you-- Lilia was going to see it as thievery, for sure.

The situation wasn't shameful in the slightest to him. Were he to be serious about it, instead of messing around and taunting Malleus, he might have been able to actually comfort him about it, to tell him that it was perfectly normal, especially for someone like him. Someone as repressed as Malleus, unable to really know what to do in a situation like that.

Ah, and, maybe, he wouldn't have kissed him. That seemed to add to Malleus' struggle.

"Why not?" Lilia smiles slightly again. It's small, soft, as if he's actually trying, now, to support him properly. "In this world, it's an eye for an eye, is it not? A bite for a bite is only fair." Lilia lets his arm fall back down, pressing both of his hands down into his own lap as he leans back against the desk, trying to make it look like a casual motion. Something to allow him to hide his own slight arousal.

"I won't make you if you don't think it'll help. What would help, my dear? Tell me, and I'll make it all better."

Malleus still does not notice. He’s not stupid, but the idea of Lilia having similar reactions and vices to every other being is nearly unfathomable to Malleus, who looks up to him so highly and fondly. No, he is certainly the only one here sullying his reputation, humiliating himself by a foolish biological reaction. Well, he will show it. He’ll practice never getting hard during unwanted times, ever.

Lilia calls him my dear, though, and it makes Malleus only that bit warmer, more uncomfortable. His ears are hot.

“I am going to my room.” He announces it, absolutely sure Lilia will get up and let him leave. “It is time to retire.”

Doesn’t Lilia want him to practice having a normal school experience? That means going to bed at the time everyone else does — even if he will probably end up agonizing over this for hours.

It's then that Lilia gasps, the announcement catching him by only a little bit of surprise.

"Already?" After he'd just asked if you must go, Malleus? You'll really leave him here, just like that? Can't you see the way he looks up at you with those big red eyes, practically pouting at the idea.

"First you come into my room without knocking... I offer you some time, you take my drink and spill it.... then, you leave?" Lilia recounts their evening, leaning up again towards him.

"Are you really going to leave it like this, Malleus? Don't go. Not yet." It's far less of a question of whether Malleus was going to stay or not, and whether Lilia would let him. His arms come up, looping around Malleus' neck to hug him, his face moving to press against his own arm as it rests against Malleus' shoulder. This, of course, brings them a little too close again, chest against chest, hips against hips, and... Malleus could easily just stand up as Lilia stays attached, to detach him over the bed if he really wanted to escape.

"Please. Just a few more minutes. Alright?"

Oh, Lilia is laying it on thick. Malleus bites his lip, though even he is not immune to that look. Who gave Lilia the right to have such big eyes? But he's right... Malleus has behaved quite rudely, and the fact that he is... aroused is not a particularly good excuse, nor one he wants to explore trying.

...wait. Why is Lilia hugging him in such a manner?! Oh, he's much too close, and Malleus sits very, very still, both wanting to shove Lilia away and knowing he can't bring himself to. It's true that Lilia cannot keep him in place, even like this - not with how tall Malleus is, and his physical ability is not lacking either.

But he doesn't try to get away, nor get Lilia off of him.

"...Yes. Fine. I have not been very polite to you." Malleus admits it with hesitation, and a tense voice. "I would like to ask to sit on your bed, rather than your chair."

Lilia can have his chair back. Malleus will stay, but he needs space!

It's difficult to get himself to calm down too, now, but Lilia had more experience with it. More ability to force himself to ignore it, to push past the embarrassment. With a small nod against Malleus, he finally relents.

As he pulls back, he gasps slightly at the feeling of their obvious arousals pressing against each other, rubbing against each other in his squirming to pull back, his face heating up a bit now. No, push that feeling down, ignore it. Malleus didn't want anything to do with that and he'd made himself clear.

Pushing the chair back a bit from the desk, Lilia gets up, leaning up against the desk and shifting his arms back down in front of him.

"Yes-- of course. That's perfectly reasonable."

Now, Malleus knew, didn't he? Lilia turns his own gaze away, tilting his head up as he focuses his gaze towards a blank spot on a nearby wall. Seven, if he didn't notice from the way he pulled back, he'd certainly notice from the way his hands rest in front of himself, the flush to his face, wouldn't he?

Bringing one hand up to his face, Lilia breathes out a heavy sigh against the back of his hand, trying to settle his heart, his mind.

"... perhaps that is for the best..."

Malleus has been so utterly focused on his own embarrassment and shame that he hasn’t noticed Lilia in a similar situation. It’s only when he leans back, when Lilia’s hips push against Malleus’ again and he makes that breathy inhale that Malleus properly freezes, an expression on his face that can only be described as shock.

No. It’s certainly not what he thinks it is, because Lilia- Well, he has never thought of Lilia in that capacity, has never considered that he also has the same sort of sensitivities and-

What does he do? Malleus has never even considered- well, there has been the odd dream, but it has always been something he brushed off. It’s a natural part of growing up, but this is not a dream, and he has no idea what to do. Apologize? But there is no reason for Lilia to have a similar problem.

His whole face is hot. Malleus’ eyes dart towards Lilia’s hips and then away.

“…Are you certain I should not leave?” His voice is raspy, unsure. It’s a very different tone than his usual confident, commanding one.

The shock on his face was enough to tell Lilia his little secret was out. When Malleus glances down towards his hips, his own arousal would be obvious to his eyes. How could he hide it, even with pressing his hand in front of himself? The way his pants lay over him, the way the fabric is shifted by the trouble he was dealing with--

If it's obvious now, there's no reason to hide it. Both of his elbows rest against the top of the desk, allowing Lilia to slouch some as he looks up at Malleus. His own face felt hot- less heat than Malleus was dealing with, though his ears do seem to burn brighter than the rest of him.

"I'm certain. We'll both calm down eventually." Lilia tells him, swallowing, "I'd already tried to suggest I help you and you shut that right down - a boundary which I won't push. We'll need to wait it out. I don't find that to be very strange. Our body's reactions to stimulus are things we cannot change or control, after all."

Malleus hasn't even moved to stand up, after asking if he could switch where he's sitting. Was the boy just-- going to sit there? Going to try and process this while staying right where he was?

Pushing a hand through his own hair, Lilia laughs softly, shaking his head, "Had I not attempted to get you to let me help, I doubt this would have become a problem for me as well. This is all my own fault."

...yes. Yes. They will both calm down, and they shall not speak of this again. Malleus nods absently, trying to pull himself back together; he is being foolish. And-

"You suggested helping me?" The revelation is startling, Malleus' eyes drawn right back to Lilia's own, the rest of the words going entirely over his head. They are reassurances that this is natural, that it means nothing, but Malleus is stuck on the thing he'd apparently not noticed Lilia offering.

Why in the world would Lilia offer such a thing? Out of obligation? That cannot be it, right? Lilia has lately been all about Malleus trying things on his own, forming his own experiences, 'growing up', so to speak. There is no need for him to help in such an intimate moment, because as naive as Malleus is to this sort of thing, he knows it is not something shared casually between people.

Malleus feels like a fool. He is a fool.

He hadn't realized? What, did he think Lilia kissed him and offered to 'take care of this' for him just to make fun of him? Where had his mind been, if he couldn't realize what Lilia had meant? Was he that overtaken by his own embarrassment...?

"Malleus... you are so very smart and yet so very dense sometimes." The complaint slips out before Lilia can even think it through, making a face down at Malleus.

How does he even begin to explain it without getting too technical or lecturing Malleus?

"Why in the world did you think I kissed you? Said those things about taking care of you? Yes it was an offer to help you. A foolish offer, I realize. I'd gotten ahead of myself. Did not even to think that this offer would be one you may not wish me of all people to make."

Yes, Malleus is a fool. A naive fool. Poor Lilia, having to explain every single detail of this.

Edited 2024-05-21 01:34 (UTC)

Yes, he was overtaken by his own embarrassment! Shame is a powerful emotion, Lilia. There's a slight twitch of Malleus' lips when Lilia calls him dense - quite bold, honestly - but.

...yes, the kiss. Malleus still does not know what to think of that. He has heard plenty of things about kisses, that there are all kinds, and Lilia himself used to kiss Malleus on the forehead or the cheek when he was much smaller. The lips is another matter entirely, and from what he has heard - from others and from stories - it is reserved for someone you love. But there are all different types of love, too, and so, is it any wonder he is confused?!

"I-" Malleus is not often at a loss for words, but now he is. The cogs turn in his head, but he still isn't sure what to make of this. "An offer to help me. And how, pray tell, would you do that?"

Does he have some magic spell to alleviate this? If so, Malleus would love to learn it.

How lacking was Malleus' teachings that he wasn't even aware when someone had been blatantly offering-- Lilia can't even blame himself for that poor teaching. He'd gone far harder on Malleus than he did Silver, sure, but this was not something that he'd gone over. He'd figured that Malleus would learn a little from books, stories, and yet, here they were....

"Malleus." Lilia is clearly frustrated. It's difficult to explain these things when he was squirming uncomfortably in his spot, wanting nothing more than for this conversation to end now. If he'd known it would end up in this way, he might not have ever said anything, or kissed him--

"There is no spell for this, no cure I can offer. The help I had been offering should be obvious: I was offering to touch you." Pushing back from the desk, he leans in again, pressing his finger against Malleus' chest in emphasis, "I was offering, if you wanted, to have sex. Or, alternatively, to simply fool around and see what happened." Lilia tells him, keeping that finger pressed against him, still leaning down to make that eye contact.

"Do you understand now, or must I go into even further graphic detail?"

Edited 2024-05-21 01:52 (UTC)

Books and stories? What does Lilia think Malleus reads, smut novels? No, absolutely not. He has read plenty of magic tomes, history books, fairytales, but things discussing... this? Never. Why would Malleus give such drivel the time of day?

He can tell Lilia is frustrated with him, though, which does not happen all that often. It makes Malleus feel strangely like he is being scolded; Lilia is one of the very few people who can achieve this reaction. Still, Malleus inwardly defends himself; how was he to know? He has never had to deal with this problem because of such a reason before. Lilia has never squirmed around in his lap, and then... kissed him.

When Lilia makes it clear what he means, Malleus' face goes red.

Touching? Sex???? Is that not too far? Fooling around, even- But his mind is wandering, and he is still meeting Lilia's eyes, though Malleus' mouth hangs slightly open, as though he is at a loss for words. No, he is at a loss for words.

"I... understand now, yes." Malleus manages to croak it out, secretly admiring Lilia's boldness. Is this the sort of thing he gets up to? Yes, he is much older than Malleus, and must have experience, but somehow that is not something he wants to consider.

Really, it isn't Malleus' fault at all that he was unaware, that he didn't understand what Lilia was trying to offer in the first place. He should have been more clear with his intentions, more open about what he was offering, instead of being so unclear about it.

Being this close again, no matter if he was frustrated or if Malleus was flustered, with their eyes met-- oh, his own mind was wandering to places it shouldn't again. Not when Malleus had made his boundaries clear. Or, had he? Was he setting boundaries, when he didn't understand what Lilia was even suggesting...?

Breathing out a small sigh, Lilia lets go of all the frustration that built up. That's the thing about being so easygoing, the ease with which he can let go of certain emotions. Had he been a few hundred years younger, he might have held onto that frustration, that annoyance.

Now?

He smiles, his hand finally leaving Malleus' chest to instead let him pat his cheek gently.

"I'm glad I don't have to explain further." He should be pulling back, should be leaning back, but-- their eyes were locked, his gaze focused on Malleus'. How could he want to lean back again, when he could eat up this expression on the young prince's face?

Lilia doesn't do anything, doesn't make a move again, even if he easily could. He wants to see what-- if anything-- Malleus would do, now that he had the full picture.

Malleus does not move. He does not try to get up, or leave. He doesn’t even look away, though he dearly wants to. There is overwhelming confusion, mixed with something deep and frustrating, needy, wanting. It’s like when Lilia is busy with something else and leaves Malleus alone for extended periods of time. It swirls with shame, embarrassment, and a sort of bashfulness that Malleus is not at all used to.

Ah… if he does not calm down, the weather threatens to take a turn for the grim.

“Lilia.” Malleus’s voice is… low. Firm. “Do not pity me, nor treat me as a child.”

He has always looked after Malleus, but as naive as he is, Malleus knows this is not something to be taken lightly. Lilia cannot just ‘help’ him through something this personal.

Edited 2024-05-22 01:09 (UTC)

That tone-- Lilia's brow raises up in questioning. Pity him? Treat him like a child? Could he really say that was what he was doing, in this moment? Lilia makes a face, some mixture of resignation and preparation to lecture. It falls away, as he leans back finally, back against the desk as he stares down at Malleus.

It's only natural to treat you like a child if you're going to act like one, Lilia bites back that statement before it can leave his lips, resting both of his hands against the desk behind him.

"I am not trying to, Malleus," He instead tells him, "I've been nothing but clear on my thoughts and intentions, have I not? You are not a child, although you are still learning."

"I thought perhaps you'd feel similar regarding this. We've spent much of our time together. You helped me in raising Silver during the difficult nights. There is no one else in the current time that I would make these offers to. No one else who knows me as you do." Even if Malleus even didn't know everything.

"Goodness, have I really overestimated the extent of our relationship with one another that deeply?" He did that before, too, so it wouldn't be THAT much of a surprise--

The words sting. Overestimating? If anything, Lilia is underestimating the depth of Malleus’ complicated feelings. This is a man who has been here with him his whole life, with whom Malleus also helped raise a human child, and now they are attending this quaint school together as peers. Malleus’ feelings are a swirling mess of admiration, fondness, possessiveness. The look on his face must really be quite scary, though he’s certain it won’t phase Lilia in the slightest.

No one else he would make these offers to… Malleus’ heart does an odd flip in his chest.

“Do not dare assume the extent of my feelings for you.” Is that the rumble of thunder outside?

It’s not at all that he wants to reject Lilia’s offer, and Malleus realizes that. But the idea of Lilia humoring him, ‘assisting’ him with something like this when it would not at all be a small thing to Malleus, is deeply offensive. Upsetting, even.

Oh. Oh, no. The sound of thunder outside, the look on Malleus' face-- if Lilia wasn't careful, if he didn't stop pushing Malleus, they might be looking at quite the fierce storm forming outside. It's difficult to place his own feelings in a way that would calm the boy, that would make this dense prince understand. No, he isn't phased, though he is trying his best to deescalate the situation... which he is not great at when it does not involve sweet frozen treats.

"Malleus."

Lilia's tone is gentle, yet firm. An attempt to get through to him, to cut through his thoughts with the next words he speaks. "How am I supposed to do anything but assume, when you don't tell me?"

"As knowledgeable and amazing as I am, I do not have the ability to read your mind. For me to understand, to truly understand, I'd need to hear from you. I am doing the best I can with what you have expressed."

The problem here is, Malleus himself does not really know how to express it. He knows that the feelings he harbors are strong, big enough to overshadow anything else; were Lilia to suddenly vanish from his life one day, for example… well, the word ‘tantrum’ would be too small to cover it.

He was not taught any of these things. Feelings, words for them, why would a prince of Briar Valley have need for something like that? He had been content with his own small life — mostly — but now he is experiencing new things, and along with his world growing, Lilia’s is as well. It lends itself to jealousy, and loneliness. Like with the computer, for instance.

“I do not know what to tell you.” But the sentence isn’t filled with any irritation; it is genuine, and slightly exasperated, a little lost. What does he say?

Malleus liked the kiss. He likes a lot of things about Lilia, enough to wax poetic, but he will not. They’re private feelings, and Malleus is a private person. He was raised to be that way.

They could take it slow - that would require patience, which Lilia had plenty of, despite outwardly being so impatient at times. Instant gratification was what he preferred, what he tended towards, without holding a single ounce of shame in his small form. Living with his heart seemingly on his sleeve might be foolish, might be one of the reasons why he was seen as such a disgrace, someone who wasn't even worthy to be in Malleus' presence, to be the one who watched over him, protected him, taught him, but Lilia wouldn't have it any other way.

Even so, he hides plenty, for better and for worse. Right now was one of those 'for worse' moments. Maybe, if he had been even further open, in the time he could influence Malleus, then the prince would know how to express these feelings, these desires, these needs, in words.

"That's alright," Lilia reassures with a smile, "Sometimes, with these things, with feelings or complicated thoughts, you do not need to say them with words. You can also show me, with your actions." Lilia was the type to act before thinking, before speaking, going with his instincts on most things. It's a wonder Malleus didn't pick that habit up from him, a habit that Lilia had picked up from the boy's mother.

"There is nothing you could do or say that would make me think less of you. You know that, right?"

With his actions? Malleus is at a loss there, too. He speaks with his actions when he is upset, angry, sad, but other times, he does not quite know what actions he is meant to use. Interacting with people is much trickier than he had thought. For this reason, Malleus comes off as cold and detached most of the time, but Lilia is one of the few to know better.

He gives Lilia a rueful smile finally, though he stays right where he is. Perhaps he ought to let this all go, even if Lilia speaks the truth -- and Malleus trusts Lilia would not lie to him.

"I know that, of course. You are my most loyal companion." His friend, if they could be called such a thing. Perhaps it is strange to others, but Malleus has never treated Lilia as anything other than someone he trusts fully.

...that kiss, though. Malleus wonders if it had been an invitation, rather than Lilia pitying him. Still, he does not know how to pursue that in the least; he has never had to learn. Who would teach him, and why?

Caution was very good to have, when it came to life and the many ways it could confuse you, it could throw you for a loop. For Malleus, Lilia understood that he was still very much learning, still trying to grasp how he was meant to interact with others.

That little rueful smile of Malleus' helps Lilia relax some, knowing that, in some way, his words were getting through to him, even if Malleus would continue to have a hard time with it. Wasn't that just how learning went? Little difficulties were only natural.

"Most loyal companion, hm?" Lilia repeats the words, testing them on his tongue, "You're right. I am, aren't I?" Oh, he can't help himself, when Malleus still looks so confused, still at a loss, and says such sweet things...!

Reaching out his hand, he carefully smooths down some of Malleus' hair, leaning in to press a careful kiss to the top of his head, his hand gently resting atop his head as he does.

"You're still learning. It's a neverending process. We'll be learning late into our years. That is part of the joy of being such long-lived people. Even I'm still learning. I make mistakes; you know I do." Lilia reassures, before finally adding one last comment, "To learn with one another: isn't that an even greater joy? I'm so very grateful, you know. To be able to be by your side, to learn alongside you and watch you learn in your own time."

Malleus' eyes close when he feels the warmth of Lilia's hand, and the familiar feeling of a kiss to the top of his head. It mirrors many of their interactions in his younger years, which is both nostalgic, and a little frustrating. He wonders... does Lilia still see him as a child? Malleus is far younger in fae terms, yes, but he is not a child. And his feelings for Lilia- Perhaps they are not entirely platonic.

That, however, is a box he has not opened.

An exhale; Malleus' tension drains the slightest bit, and with it the irritation and anger of their almost-argument, his almost-tantrum. The weather, it seems, will not take a turn for the worse tonight. Lilia always says just the right thing.

"Then you will continue to stay by my side." Malleus says it as though it is a given. Thinking about Lilia leaving makes his chest tight, so he simply will not. "There are far more things that I must learn in comparison to you, though."

To think of Malleus as a child would be a terrible disservice to him, to who he was becoming and growing into. Malleus was a grown man, with his own feelings, thoughts. His own views on the world, which would continue to grow with him, as Lilia's had. The feelings he had for Malleus, well... those might not be platonic either, in such a complicated way. It was hard to place.

They didn't need to open up those feelings, those boxes, to identify and understand them. Not today.

Thank the Thorn Fairy that Malleus begins to calm, that his tension begins to drain even a little. Lilia's hand stays against his head for a moment longer, fingers playing with the Prince's hair.

"Absolutely I will. No matter what anyone else says or thinks. Even as our roles change, I will be by your side." That, he knows, is a lie. One day, he will need to leave Malleus. That day wouldn't come anytime soon, he's sure. "That simply means I can continue to teach you. Besides, Malleus..."

"Even I don't know everything. Have you forgotten how different I was when you were small? The ways I've changed, learned, grown? It's been so long since then. We've both so much to learn, so much to see."

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