splitmemory | can you keep a secret

It was no problem that Malleus forgot. That was why Lilia was here, to keep him on track, to keep him focused when things come up that might get filed away as 'unimportant'. Sure, that may not be the only reason, but it was one that Lilia focused very closely on, with how Malleus could be.

Oh, that look... how it always amused him. Lilia wants to squish his face, to push his hair back and press a kiss to his forehead, to press their foreheads together and laugh together over how silly the both of them were. He knows better than to comment on that look unless Malleus comments on his dress.

There it is, the comment he was expecting.

Shooting a grin towards him, Lilia allows his tongue to stick out briefly towards him. "What, I'm covered." Lilia clearly knows exactly why Malleus thinks this, of course. Who better to understand Malleus than him, after all.

The spill is easily dabbed up with the little crumpled hand towel. In less than a second, Lilia's back to his feet, wandering over to where a small laundry bin lies hidden beside his wardrobe. The towel is placed within, and Lilia wanders back over towards Malleus, patting his arm lightly.

"Go, go. I would offer to share clothes, but alas... you wouldn't want to wear only a shirt to bed, hmm? I'll be waiting for you! Make sure you come back, or I'm not sure I will sleep at all tonight."

Would Malleus take that joke too seriously? Probably.

No, absolutely not. Malleus would never wear only a shirt to bed, particularly not when sharing a bed with Lilia. That would be utterly inappropriate, and he will not think on it any longer. Malleus gives Lilia another look, scandalized, when he suggests not sleeping at all.

Yes, he took it seriously.

"I will be back shortly. In the meantime, you should prepare yourself to be comfortable." Get ready for bed, in other words. Malleus turns and sweeps out of the room, as he does, to retrieve his own nighttime garments.

"I will, I will!" Lilia laughs quietly to himself as soon as Malleus is out of the room. What a cute face that was that he'd made, so very upset at the idea that Lilia would threaten his own sleep as a weapon against Malleus.

While waiting, Lilia shifts towards his own bed, removing his bass from where it sat there. Carefully setting it into his stand, he prepares the bed for them both, pulling the blanket back to make it more ready for the both of them.

With that done, he really didn't have all that much left to do to prepare for bed. He sits himself down, finger combing his hair as he waits for Malleus to return.

Back home, Malleus' sleepwear consists of very old-fashioned nightshifts, but here, he has been given a rather charming pair of pajamas. It is... probably best that he be fully dressed in Lilia's bed anyway, after that little chair incident, which Malleus is not thinking about as he changes in his own dorm, uniform folded neatly aside. He takes his pillow, and... no, this is fine. Malleus does not need to steel himself for anything; it is just Lilia, and they have slept aside one another in the past. Nothing strange about this at all.

When he returns, he is ready for bed, and pleased to see that Lilia is right where he left him.

"Will your bed fit two people?" Malleus looks at it a bit dubiously; it was not rare for them to share a bed in the past, but he was much, much smaller then. On the other hand, Lilia has not grown much... has he grown at all?

Perhaps Malleus ought to stop looking at him so closely.

Lilia looks up to Malleus as the door opens once more, his hand falling from his hair to instead rest in his lap. Those pajamas were utterly adorable, every single time that Lilia saw him in them all he wanted to do was scoop Malleus into his arms and press little kisses to his face, to tell him cute he looked. Instead of doing that and embarrassing the poor prince, Lilia just shifts to make room on the bed, squirming over to the side near the wall.

"It should. I barely fit in half of it myself. If we need to, we can press a little close, can't we? I'm sure it will be fine." Patting the bed lightly, Lilia assesses their room situation....

Yeah, this would do nicely.

Flopping down onto his side, Lilia reaches both of his hands out towards Malleus, "Come on, don't keep me waiting!"

It is certainly a good thing Lilia doesn't act on those urges, because it would put Malleus in a mood, and nobody needs that. He thinks the pajamas are rather charming - they were a gift - and a good deal less drafty than what he is used to sleeping in. Much better than Lilia's... shorts.

Looking dubiously at the bed, Malleus still does not hesitate to sit down. He is... tall, which is most of the problem. His pillow accommodates his horns, at least, and he is not a rough sleeper; once in a comfortable position, Malleus rarely moves throughout the night.

He avoids Lilia's outstretched hands when he lays down.

"I am only doing this to ensure you get a proper night's rest." Malleus shifts his head to look over at Lilia. This feels vaguely nostalgic, which settles restless nerves a bit. He is quickly putting the earlier situation out of his mind.

The bed would manage to accommodate both of them. After all, even with Lilia's size, all the dorm beds were generally the same sizing... mostly. Malleus would be able to get comfortable enough on the bed, where Lilia really was a little smaller than the bed's sizing allowed.

Malleus avoiding his hands doesn't stop Lilia from scooting closer, one of his hands worming around to rest over Malleus, easily settling around his waist. With his strength, it's easy for Lilia to pull Malleus in closer, not seeming to care whether Malleus would struggle against the hold or not, to refuse cuddling up with him.

"Are you really that worried? I sleep enough," Is that really true, when he spends most of his nights staying up so late that on occasion he has to use his magic to make sure he's on time to morning classes? "And you were awake too, you know." He adds, already shifting and squirming to move one of his legs over one of Malleus'.

... It's a good thing Malleus is used to how touchy and easy Lilia can be with regards to touch. Even this... would it be too much, after the earlier situation? Lilia didn't think about it, didn't give it a single thought.

Ah... he is going to insist on cuddling, isn't he? Malleus isn't unused to this, but with what happened earlier - and how he is trying very hard to forget - it feels more awkward than usual. Besides, it's not something they do as often, now that he's grown. Still, arguing with Lilia is difficult, and despite his size, he is incredibly strong; Malleus only squirms a little, knowing that once Lilia has decided something, it's nigh impossible to change his mind.

"Of course I'm worried. It is my duty to make certain-" Oh... does he really have to cling like that? "The bed really isn't that tight. You can give me some space."

Opposed to Malleus, Lilia is like... a starfish. He stretches out and clings to what he finds, as though there is no issue in it at all. And there might not have been in the past, but now? Now, Malleus is a grown young man! He is used to sleeping on his own, and does not need to know how it feels to have Lilia's limbs intertwined with his in a bed.

That's right - Lilia wasn't going to change his mind, no matter how much Malleus might squirm or complain or demand that he give him space. His arm is comfortable where it's at now, fingers playing with the fabric of Malleus' shirt, tracing the fabric along his waist. His touch is gentle, yet careless of how Malleus might be feeling from earlier's events.

His leg, too, stays put, and he tucks his heel carefully under Malleus' leg, pressing himself completely against Malleus now. "I could, but…"

"When was the last time I was able to hold you? I've really only ever slept best when I was able to be sure you were safe in my arms, you know." Lilia mentions, as he presses his cheek against Malleus' arm.

"...." Oh, that statement finally processed. "What do you mean it's your duty? To make certain of what?"

Edited 2024-07-07 18:43 (UTC)

They are... too close. Malleus tries not to think about it, but it is harder than he'd anticipated. Why does Lilia have to be so unashamedly clingy?

"You keep speaking as though I am a child." Malleus sounds more than a little petulant when he points this out, struggling with nostalgia and something he certainly should not be feeling. "I am grown now," mostly, "And it is my turn to look out for you."

He's... made this up in his head, sort of, but should a ruler not look out for his subjects? Even if Lilia's job is to look after him, Malleus feels as though he owes it to the man who has known him his whole life, and whom he cares for very much. He would feel just as protective of Sebek and Silver, but. Well, it's also different.

Ahem.

Malleus is not a child, not anymore. That was something Lilia knew well, something he would even insist to others who may believe otherwise. He understood why Malleus would be annoyed by it, even if he was jumping to conclusions assuming what Lilia felt about him.

"I do not see you as a child, Malleus. You are very much grown. Even if you still have much to experience, I know this to be a fact," Oh, but how sweet was that? Malleus wanted to look out for him in the same way he'd always done for him.

Turning his head, Lilia presses a careful kiss against Malleus' arm, where his cheek had rest before. How could he not be weak to such a sweet declaration?

"Is that how you see it? Hm..." Another shift, another squirming, and Lilia's leaning up to look Malleus in the face. It's a far less aggressive motion than the earlier attacks, a softer look on the smaller fae's face. "It has been a very long time since another person as looked out for me."

Maybe one small relief would be the way his one hand shifts back, freeing Malleus from some of the clinging... until that same hand is brought to Malleus' face to tuck some of his hair behind his pointed ear.

"I can accept this... as long as you allow me to continue looking out for you, as I've always done. Your life is yours to make how you wish. I would never dream of changing your mind, if you wish to look out for me as well."

Malleus cannot help the way his face warms. It's a strange feeling indeed, one that seems to happen most often around Lilia... to say nothing of the incident earlier, which he would frankly rather die than think about. At the very least, it seems Lilia is willing to acknowledge that Malleus has grown, although the way he tucks hair behind his ear is both frustratingly familial, and something else.

Why does it bother Malleus so much? They are family. He does not hate it, not in the least, but...

Ah well. He pushes that aside. Lilia is relenting, compromising, and it makes his heart flutter in his chest. He has always been the best at appeasing Malleus, when he wants to. There is a smile that slowly settles on Malleus' face, a feeling of relief that this is not being denied.

"You have been by my side as long as I can remember. I know I will not be able to change your mind just as much as you cannot change mine."

He does not need to be looked out for, but that is Lilia's job... It's just that Malleus hopes that is not all it is for him.

Whatever they were, both now and in the future, would rely solely on what Malleus decides they are. It is unlikely that Lilia would change their relationship or adjust it in any way without Malleus' input. That moment they'd had earlier, that little incident... if Malleus really wanted to forget about it, then they would. Simple as that.

Lilia's fingertips brush across Malleus' cheek as they fall from where they'd tucked his hair back, hand slowly making it's way down. His fingers rest gently under the prince's chin, his thumb coming up to lightly trace along Malleus' bottom lip.

"I much prefer seeing you smile, My Lord. If it means that I can see you smile even more, then I will stubbornly stay by your side. No one will be able to separate us."

Oh, that little flush to his cheeks was just adorable as well...! How was he supposed to handle such cuteness?

Shifting again, he leans up, in, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

Malleus is trying to forget. Unfortunately, that is proving rather difficult, especially with how close they are, and the way Lilia touches him so easily. It could be passed as simple affection, something not worth thinking about too deeply, but then a thumb presses against Malleus’ lip, and how is he supposed to not think strange things when Lilia does that?

The words, too. They settle warm and heavy in Malleus’ chest. It is a good thing he can’t read Lilia’s thoughts; he would absolutely protest the suggestion that he is cute.

“You are treating me like a child again.” Malleus sounds slightly sullen, but the red of his face doesn’t diminish.

... Maybe that's because Lilia doesn't want to forget about it. He wants to push Malleus, to have him explore those things. To be the one to explore them with him would be even more rewarding, really. For who Malleus is, who he's become, was someone that Lilia wanted fully know. How could he make that known to Malleus?

The comment makes Lilia raise a brow, giving Malleus a look.

"Am I, really? Is that what you see these little touches as? My words? Treating you like a child?" Lilia's thumb moves along still, this time Lilia's eyes glancing down to those lips before flicking back up to Malleus' eyes. "They're not meant to be."

...Yes, that is what Malleus had thought. Now, though, it becomes apparent that it is not what Lilia had meant, both with the touches and the fact that Lilia outright says it. And the way he looks at Malleus, enough to make his stomach flip and his pulse do this odd thing in his chest. It reminds him of earlier, when they had been so close together, and-

And obviously, he is misunderstanding. Is he not? There is no way Lilia would ever... no, this is ridiculous. Malleus himself has pushed any such feelings down very, very deep, because it is not at all appropriate, because Malleus is a guardian figure for him, and-

"Then what do you mean them as?" His voice is a bit petulant and demanding, still able to feel the weight of that thumb on his lip.

If not treating him like a child, what else would he be trying to show? It's a difficult idea, isn't it?

Lilia offers the other fae a small half shrug of his shoulders, his hand slowly moving back from Malleus' chin and lips, to instead smooth back some of his hair again, playing with some of the more wild strands that refuse to behave.

"Affection. Adoration. Not in that way, not in the way you think - not as if you're a child." Something that, by human standards, he shouldn't feel, shouldn't want. They don't work based on human standards, and....

This was complicated, wasn't it?

"Should I stop? This is no way for me to act with you, after all. You are the heir to the throne. In comparison, I am nothing more than a spot of dirt on the Draconia name. The call is yours to make, Malleus." Does he keep this up? Or does he stop?

It was complicated, yes. As is the way Malleus' heart thrums in his chest, and that's what tells him that, deep down, this isn't unwanted. He's not an idiot, even if many things go over his head due to lack of experience. Like now, when he is only finally starting to understand what Lilia is getting at. Even with that incident from earlier.

Malleus, obviously, should tell him yes, he should stop. It is not at all appropriate, not only because Lilia is far too important to sully like this, but also because of their status, because of who they are, and-

Ah, when has Malleus cared about that when it comes to Lilia? He is spoiled; he's always gotten what he wants, and when he hasn't, he's been prone to throw tantrums. Nobody tells him no, so why should he tell that to himself? There is a slight frown, though, when Lilia speaks of himself that way.

"I am the only one who can make comparisons when it comes to me," he insists, "And you are far more important than that."

A spot of dirt? Hardly. He is one of the people Malleus values most, which is the reason he struggles with allowing himself to want. Pushing Lilia away would be the very last thing Malleus would ever want. But if it is reciprocated...

Affection, adoration. He wants that.

It could only get further complicated if they continued this conversation. If it led to where it may lead, if it was something they fully opened themselves up about. Could they really accept whatever was in their hearts, to allow their own selfish desires to bypass what they were meant to do?

The ex-general, banished from the Capital despite being the only one to pour enough love into that little egg, to save Malleus from certain death. Looked down upon by those who remembered, erased from history in any way that mattered aside from rumors. None of that mattered, whenever Lilia got to see Malleus. Got to look into his eyes, to hold him, to watch him learn about the world around him. If he could protect Malleus, to continue to watch him throughout the years, to watch him grow into the great King he knew he would be, then Lilia would sacrifice even more. Anything, to be allowed that.

The truth still lay in the facts between them, no matter what anyone else thought, after all.

"You may very well be the only one who believes that regarding me," Lilia murmurs, shaking his head, before continuing, "... Your opinion is the only one that matters. What you want, that is the only thing in this world that matters. You know that, right?"

Why does it matter if Malleus is the only person who believes it? As Lilia says, his is the only opinion that matters. Regardless of what others say, or what they tell him he should think, Malleus only follows what he wants to follow. This is, perhaps, a severe character flaw in a leader, but when has he ever had to do otherwise?

So, he truly does take Lilia's words to heart- Almost.

"What you want matters." Because Malleus cares about what Lilia wants. Even though he is a selfish young man - raised spoiled and praised, with the skills to back it up - Malleus cares very deeply for those who matter to him. Lilia is at the top of that list, written in bold.

Malleus would take what he wants with anything else, but not with this. Not unless Lilia says he wants it, too.

Malleus was going to be a strong leader, with a powerful will. Lilia knew this. Believed in him to do what was right, to persevere through and believe what he wanted to. What was right. Here, bringing him to this school after Malleus received that letter, was the way to do that. To help him branch out from the closed mindedness of those who would teach him otherwise.

Those four little words are too sweet. Like sugar mixed in honey.

"... and you know very well what it is I want." Lilia tells Malleus, keeping his words simple, clear yet still just vague enough to not be obvious. To let Malleus come to his own conclusions. That's the way to do it, after all.

Otherwise, he may say something that frustrates the prince. Makes him think twice about wanting him around.

If Lilia thinks Malleus will be that easy, he is going to find out otherwise. No, Malleus will not say what Lilia wants him to say, because then... how is he to know if Lilia is simply doing what he thinks Malleus wants? Going along with what he says? Malleus is not a fool, but he is also terrified of losing the very few people he has. Lilia makes up far too large a part of his life to risk losing.

"No, I do not. Not unless you tell me." Malleus, again, sounds vaguely petulant, though his voice is softer than it usually would be. "You will tell me what you want, and stop trying to make me guess."

A little firmer, now. The touches have made him bolder, along with the fact that Malleus has always been quick to anger. Not that he is angry, but there is absolutely frustration behind that demand.

Lilia moves to rest his head back down against Malleus' shoulder, to avoid needing to look him in the face when responding to this. His hand shifts down, carefully pressing against Malleus' chest, tracing small little shapes against him. It would be easier, to keep beating around it. If he did, would Malleus become further frustrated with him?

"I want to be someone who is allowed to care for you, to show that affection without it being assumed that it's only due to your status. To our roles." Lilia finally murmurs out, after a moment of thought. "I shouldn't want what I want, as someone who is your 'guardian'. Someone who has looked after you, trained you, taught you."

Shaking his head, Lilia breathes out a soft sigh.

"It is so very complicated, Malleus. Who am I to even say I want to be more, when I've already been allowed so much time with you?"

Oh yes, Malleus would have become further frustrated, and Lilia knows very well what happens when he gets that way. Perhaps not as severe as anger, but Malleus' moods have always been quite stormy. He listens, hanging on Lilia's words, unblinking. And as Malleus tries to process the words correctly, worried of making a mistake, he turns them over and over in his head.

...then, perhaps they are... on the same page. Malleus isn't actually quite sure what that page is, but it sounds like Lilia wants something he believes he shouldn't. Something that is more than the relationship they have now, with Lilia in place as his 'guardian'. Someone who views Malleus as a child to be looked after.

Nervousness is a very strange feeling, one that Malleus is not familiar with.

"If you want more, you shall have more." Whatever that is. Because Malleus really would give Lilia anything.

The silence is difficult. To wait for what Malleus might say in return. The possible disapproval, rejection. The demand that Lilia explain even further, to go into detail on what he meant. He's lucky, then, that Malleus doesn't, and instead... Those words bring him to lift his head again, looking to Malleus.

What... did he mean by this? Was it an acceptance? No, it couldn't be. Then what--

"Only if you want the same." Lilia then turns it on Malleus, "If you don't, then there's not even a point in trying. Besides, there are others you could want. More appropriate options." Appropriate in all of the ways possible. In all the ways Lilia wishes he could be there for Malleus.

"That is why this is your choice... as I've no clue what you want. As much as it's true that you had no idea what I want, you are still the one who will have to deal with the consequences of this choice."

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solitarian - 2024-11-17 02:55 (UTC) - Expand