splitmemory | can you keep a secret

Why does it matter if Malleus is the only person who believes it? As Lilia says, his is the only opinion that matters. Regardless of what others say, or what they tell him he should think, Malleus only follows what he wants to follow. This is, perhaps, a severe character flaw in a leader, but when has he ever had to do otherwise?

So, he truly does take Lilia's words to heart- Almost.

"What you want matters." Because Malleus cares about what Lilia wants. Even though he is a selfish young man - raised spoiled and praised, with the skills to back it up - Malleus cares very deeply for those who matter to him. Lilia is at the top of that list, written in bold.

Malleus would take what he wants with anything else, but not with this. Not unless Lilia says he wants it, too.

Malleus was going to be a strong leader, with a powerful will. Lilia knew this. Believed in him to do what was right, to persevere through and believe what he wanted to. What was right. Here, bringing him to this school after Malleus received that letter, was the way to do that. To help him branch out from the closed mindedness of those who would teach him otherwise.

Those four little words are too sweet. Like sugar mixed in honey.

"... and you know very well what it is I want." Lilia tells Malleus, keeping his words simple, clear yet still just vague enough to not be obvious. To let Malleus come to his own conclusions. That's the way to do it, after all.

Otherwise, he may say something that frustrates the prince. Makes him think twice about wanting him around.

If Lilia thinks Malleus will be that easy, he is going to find out otherwise. No, Malleus will not say what Lilia wants him to say, because then... how is he to know if Lilia is simply doing what he thinks Malleus wants? Going along with what he says? Malleus is not a fool, but he is also terrified of losing the very few people he has. Lilia makes up far too large a part of his life to risk losing.

"No, I do not. Not unless you tell me." Malleus, again, sounds vaguely petulant, though his voice is softer than it usually would be. "You will tell me what you want, and stop trying to make me guess."

A little firmer, now. The touches have made him bolder, along with the fact that Malleus has always been quick to anger. Not that he is angry, but there is absolutely frustration behind that demand.

Lilia moves to rest his head back down against Malleus' shoulder, to avoid needing to look him in the face when responding to this. His hand shifts down, carefully pressing against Malleus' chest, tracing small little shapes against him. It would be easier, to keep beating around it. If he did, would Malleus become further frustrated with him?

"I want to be someone who is allowed to care for you, to show that affection without it being assumed that it's only due to your status. To our roles." Lilia finally murmurs out, after a moment of thought. "I shouldn't want what I want, as someone who is your 'guardian'. Someone who has looked after you, trained you, taught you."

Shaking his head, Lilia breathes out a soft sigh.

"It is so very complicated, Malleus. Who am I to even say I want to be more, when I've already been allowed so much time with you?"

Oh yes, Malleus would have become further frustrated, and Lilia knows very well what happens when he gets that way. Perhaps not as severe as anger, but Malleus' moods have always been quite stormy. He listens, hanging on Lilia's words, unblinking. And as Malleus tries to process the words correctly, worried of making a mistake, he turns them over and over in his head.

...then, perhaps they are... on the same page. Malleus isn't actually quite sure what that page is, but it sounds like Lilia wants something he believes he shouldn't. Something that is more than the relationship they have now, with Lilia in place as his 'guardian'. Someone who views Malleus as a child to be looked after.

Nervousness is a very strange feeling, one that Malleus is not familiar with.

"If you want more, you shall have more." Whatever that is. Because Malleus really would give Lilia anything.

The silence is difficult. To wait for what Malleus might say in return. The possible disapproval, rejection. The demand that Lilia explain even further, to go into detail on what he meant. He's lucky, then, that Malleus doesn't, and instead... Those words bring him to lift his head again, looking to Malleus.

What... did he mean by this? Was it an acceptance? No, it couldn't be. Then what--

"Only if you want the same." Lilia then turns it on Malleus, "If you don't, then there's not even a point in trying. Besides, there are others you could want. More appropriate options." Appropriate in all of the ways possible. In all the ways Lilia wishes he could be there for Malleus.

"That is why this is your choice... as I've no clue what you want. As much as it's true that you had no idea what I want, you are still the one who will have to deal with the consequences of this choice."

Malleus could laugh; does Lilia think he would do something he is uncomfortable with? Others he could want... more appropriate options... like who? Who is as close to Malleus, who gives him as much time and thought as Lilia does? Who can match his strength and come close to his lifespan?

The smile on Malleus' face is fond.

"The consequences? And what would those be?" Who would dare to try and force 'consequences' on Malleus Draconia?

can you keep a secret

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